Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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