6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
