we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
