You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
