I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
