Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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