Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
