she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
