i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
