she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I touched a dick in church today
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