mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Text me some of your sweat
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
