No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
