He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize