Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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