she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
