problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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