Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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