I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
