Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
