Dual....:-)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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