He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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