Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
