I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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