Your mouth is God's brothel.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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