We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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