Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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