First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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