just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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