Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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