I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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