i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
did you just send me my own nude
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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