so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
