this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she told me i tasted like america
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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