Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...

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(765): View more from Indiana

Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.

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(518): View more from New York

It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"

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(314): View more from Missouri

So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.

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(818): View more from California

I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.

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(512): View more from Texas

the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.

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