Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
do herpes really smell.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
