I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
