i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
