1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
