He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
