the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
