this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
