I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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