I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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