1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
