I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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