Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
