you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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