I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
