my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
