Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
