farters have to be the big spoon...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
