I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
