Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
