This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's blow job season.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
