some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
