PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
