Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
