In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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