Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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