Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
