I wish my penis had an off switch
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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