awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
