Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
