I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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