yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i think i just lost a toe
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
