She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
